3 more days.

i am truly now excited.
in only 3 more days.

ill officially be a part of the hopeless and lost kids "no future generation".

and theres no telling what could happen.
but maybe ill dream it tonight.
i just want you to make me feel alright.

maybe itll be the way i just stare at your home from across the street.
or maybe i wont even be able to believe im there.
maybe itll be the way i ring your doorbell and someone answers leaving me in shock.
or maybe itll be the no answer i get when i ring the doorbell.
maybe no one will be home.
or maybe someone will.
will i walk in your house?
will i walk up your stairs?
will i stand on your house's front step?

whatever happens i want you to know, that i couldnt be happier when im thinking of you.
thats all.


yourprincessofbrokenhearts.

i wish i could hate you half as much as i hate her.

your perfect girl is no where near perfect.

whats the excitement in sixteen candles?
unless it starts and ends in a quotation and has "a little less" before it and "a little more "touch me" " after it.

im only rambling pointlessly because ive lost the point to ramble with one.

"the best part of believe is the lie."
you of all people must be the one whose lived up to that the most.
you breathe lies [in and out].
(see also: my ex best friend)

hurt doesnt even begin to describe how youve made me feel.

sleep is so close.
i can almost taste (you)(it) in my dreams.

except when i say you in the line above it doesnt mean you.
it means him or them the boy(s) who would and will never leave me broken hearted, hurt, or feeling alone.

(he)(they) (is)(are) the reason i can still smile everytime someone stabs me in the back or in the heart.
(he)(they) (is)(are) my escape.
my (inside) world.
my escape pod to (them)(him) (is)(are) my dreams.


yourprincessofbrokenhearts.

hot chocolate season.

sniffles on hot chocolate mornings.

i never understand anything in my head [ever].
im jealous of those who always know what "the right thing to do" is.
i could really use some reassurance of anything right now.

why does every(thing)(one) always have to be so 'the same'.
no one ever does anything out of the ordinary.
but thats about to change.

tomorrow ill be sportin anything but you.
mismatched?
nah. itll just be their eyes.

"dare to be different"
youre on.


i love him.
how could i?


yourprincessofbrokenhearts.

dreams vs. reality.

i really dont want to do this.
you know i love you.
but it took me till tonight to realize:
this will never work.
you will get hurt.
and i will feel a heart break x10 of my worst heart break ever.

id be the worst person on the face of the planet to let you get in trouble over something i felt i (want)(need)ed.

"i am a total wreck."
over you.

you think i wanted this.
i never did.
you were never the plan.
you were the pawn in the very beginning.
damn your cuteness.
why couldnt you have just left me alone?
why couldnt you have just pretended i didnt exist?
yea it wouldve hurt.
but now im gonna hurt way more than i wouldve if none of this wouldve never began.


please dont make this hard(er).
i never meant to hurt you.
because i know you would never hurt me.
im so sorry.

sincerely,
we're over like we never were.


yourprincessofbrokenhearts.

wishing you a(n) [un]Happy Valentines Day.

this is depression at its best/worst.

"im addicted to the way i feel when i think of you."

youre finally mine.
now how am i supposed to feel?

it didnt feel real.
until someone else called you mine.
now my heart feels (just) fine.

"even fall out boy cant fix the weather"
haha.
and youd think patrick stumps voice could fix anything.



yourprincessofbrokenhearts.

spazz attacks came early last week.

friday night seizures vs. halftime make-outs.

february 6th -- incredible.
but dang -- "good god i wish i was tall. good god i wish"

im thankful to say ill never have to stand next to a (fake)(best) friend at a concert again.
no more taking ex friends where they dont belong.
thank god my parents finally see it my way.

another chance missed.
more words unspoken.
why can i not (type) everytime you log on.

now.
lets recover together and bulletproof our lonliness.
i may be young but im gettin there.
trust me.
i know how to shield my heart just as good as anyone.

im glad i listened when my heart told me to never let you go.


love.
yourprincessofbrokenhearts.

dedication vs. killing myself inside out.

you know why ill take hits and lose friends for them?
because every tear ive ever shed has been rewinded back to the beginning.
all since i found them.
they write my moods.
they cure my heart [everyday].
i love them because they mean the world to me.
they mean the world to me because i love them.
there isnt a thing i wouldnt do for any of the four of them.

if you dont understand.
i wont explain.
theres no point in explaining (anymore).

taking (ex) best friends where they dont belong.
lets pretend were role playing.
just play along.
we'll play sing. song. ditch. (later).

hurt doesnt even begin to explain it all.
excitement is what i live for.
they are my sanity and i stand by that 100%.

they all eventually give up on me.
its only a matter of time.
until you do too.

i wont let one of the best days of my life be ruined.
it wont happen.
february 6th is going to be a day of firsts.

first for a cd release concert.
first for hearing ioh songs live in front of me.
first for meeting real friends.

friends who wont think im insane and give up on me like everyone else has.

"you only hold me up like this, because you dont know who i really am."

go ahead.
im not easily fooled these days.
i can spot a fake two thousand miles away.

try me.
pretend you like me.
pretend you wanna be my best friend.
make it known youre by my side.
but when in a fine light.
between mine and your side .
dont you lie to me.
i know its not the truth.
and i know it never was.

damn my never listening.

wow look at those true colors.
better get out the notebook with "friends" -crossed out- on the cover.
write your name under: untrue friend.
another burn?
im sorry.
not.
i knew it was only a matter of time.
but you almost had me fooled.

2am writings are truly my best.
even i lie from time to time.
but atleast when i do it its from nerves.

"thanks for the memories even though they werent so great."


yourprincessofbrokenhearts.

[february 6th -- nothing is going to ruin this.]